Long Distance Romantic Relationships (LDRR)

I just read an article on LDRR and thought it was interesting having had been in one myself not too long ago. I think both my partner and I would cite the long distance in particular as being quite strenuous and the leading cause of the breakup. The following is written based on Mary Rolfing's article, but i also find it accurate based on my own experience.

This is the article that all the following information comes from:

ROLFING, Mary E.: 1995. "'Doesn't any Body Stay in One Place Any More?' An Exploration of the Under-Studied Phenomenon of Long Distance Relationships". Under Studied Relationships: Off the Beaten Track. Ed. Julia T. Wood, Steve Duck. Sage Publication: California.

Firstly, Mary Rolfing (1995) outlines why LDRR are becoming more common. She pins this to women's liberation. When it became more socially acceptable to pursue interests and goals beyond one's husband, women were able to go to college or university farther away. Before this most long distance relationships occurred in couples where the man was in the military. However, now there are many couples in college that opt for long distance relationships.

The two obvious benifits to a LDRR is that you can pursue your goal with out loosing your lover, and that you would have more time to work/study. However, there are different strains on LDRR that proximal relationships do not have to endure.

The most obvious is the cost. It actually costs more to be in a long distance because you are paying for long distance fees on the phone, and you are visiting quite frequently. This financial burden alone can cause stress in an individual or in the couple.

The second strain is the higher expectation of quality of time when they do see each other. If the quality is diminished there is often disappointment and this can create stress on the relationship, because it is the only time they spend together.

There were also reports of more extreme emotion from the individuals in the relationship. For example feeling really happy, but then very lonely within the same 24 hours.

Rolfing points out that there is very little and conflicting research on intimacy and satisfaction in LDRRs. It seems that the further apart they are and the less they see each other, the harder it is to maintain intimacy. But no matter the distance, seeing each other once a month seems to be adequate for maintaining satisfaction.

Another interesting thing to note is that in LDRs the topics of conversation change. Studies found that one no longer talks about books or movies of interest. Also, "small talk" about insignificant things no longer occurs. Insignificant things that happened during the day are forgotten or trivial once 24 hours have passed and they are taking to their partner. This seems to also reduce intimacy.

Here are some of the items specified as helpful in maintaining a good LDRR:

1) understanding that LDRRs are widespread, you are not alone.
2)having additional support systems
3)developing creative ways to communicate (Rolfing suggests video tapes, gifts etc. but web cams are also a good one these days)
4)prepare for separation with discussion of of rules for communication and visiting.
5)using reunion time wisely, ensuring that the couple deals with affection and plans time for fun.
6)developing and maintaining interpersonal honesty.
7)engaging in open communication
8)developing and maintaining trust
9)focus on positive aspects of LDRR

It was not mentioned in this work that LDRR are also much more effort to maintain. I find that they are very draining because you constantly have to be aware of all of these factors, and not be discouraged by them (e.g. if time is wasted). Proximity relationships, are also sometimes hard to maintain, this is true, but even a couple who found a relationship rather smooth in proximity will inevitably find challenges in the long distance.

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Don't ask why I was searching for these articles, just read them.

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