So I'm just doing some simple chores around the house, when I happen to notice a guine pig run across my back yard and into a bush. I'm allergic to them, but my human heroic instinct kicks in, and I must save this poor animal from certain death!
I get a carrot and woo it. It comes up and eats the carrot but is not as easily captured. Leading it into a cardboard box isn't successful either, and even my neighboor, who speeks no english, helps me....to no avail.
Suddenly, it comes out of the bushes and runs across the lawn. I felt like a three year old trying to grab a rolling ball. Every time I bend down to pick it up it has gone a little further on its way.
"Fine!" I yell, "you can just die, and get eaten. I'm done with you."
Days later, I see the thing running, once again into the bush. "What?" That fucking thing is still alive, maybe that guine pig isn't as domestic as the one I used to have.
~~Flashback~~
Penellope sits there. I watch her, and she just sits. I go to get a drink, come back to my penellope who still hasn't moved. I poke it. She squeels like a pig. A friend calls, and I rushes over to his house. Hours later, I return having forgotten my poor pet. I worry, she could be anywhere!! But no, there she sits, in the same damn spot, three hours later.
This guine pig is not the same. It has now been two weeks, and still it runs around and eats my garden and has not been killed by raccoons, or cats, or dogs, or captured by some abled person.
Today's lesson: I hate guine pigs
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